Pitsitjop is a god.

It takes the form of a minute, dishonest whale.

Pitsitjop created everything that exists eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Pitsitjop, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Pitsitjop, it will turn you into an amoeba.

Pitsitjop's most sacred site is Oitti in Finland.

Pitsitjop's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from blue great tits, for they are unholy.

2. Erect nine zinc sculptures of Pitsitjop on top of important buildings.

3. Hide if eight sharks approach from the east.

4. Walk at least six thousand metres per day.

5. Never play with disobedient children.