Jindumvagkomsadbemkar is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, fussy dugong.

Jindumvagkomsadbemkar created the world nine million years ago.

If you believe in Jindumvagkomsadbemkar, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Jindumvagkomsadbemkar, he will turn you into a hamster.

Jindumvagkomsadbemkar's most sacred site is Burras in England.

Jindumvagkomsadbemkar's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Manatees are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Worship no other gods but Jindumvagkomsadbemkar.

4. Always help monkeys.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.