Haslinpog is a god.

He takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, slow pig.

Haslinpog created life three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Haslinpog, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Haslinpog, he will turn you into a giant snail.

Haslinpog's most sacred site is Katteri in India.

Haslinpog's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no sharks in a building before entering it.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Always obey Haslinpog's priests.

4. Always wear purple.

5. Always look after injured goats.