Mapyenpib is a god.

He takes the form of a six thousand metre long, tiresome seal.

Mapyenpib created tapeworms six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Mapyenpib, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Mapyenpib, he will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Mapyenpib's most sacred site is Artena in Italy.

Mapyenpib's Holy Commandments

1. Pray towards the east.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Do not kill turtles.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Feed all hungry voles.