Zenmum is a god.

She takes the form of a minute, merciless cow.

Zenmum created parasitic wasps six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Zenmum, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Zenmum, she will be very sad.

Zenmum's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Zenmum's Holy Commandments

1. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Zenmum.

2. Learn eight new languages a year.

3. Never feed lots of onions to tortoises while wearing turquoise corsets.

4. Erect five silver sculptures of Zenmum on top of important buildings.

5. Never talk about dark energy near eagles while wearing purple shirts and balancing three aluminium spheres on your legs.