Teenspagfem is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, unthinking slug.

Teenspagfem created the Whirlpool Galaxy seven million years ago.

If you believe in Teenspagfem, he will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Teenspagfem, he will turn you into a worm.

Teenspagfem's most sacred site is Kirumampakkam in India.

Teenspagfem's Holy Commandments

1. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

2. Do not speak about gooseberries.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Always make sure there are no hamsters in a building before entering it.

5. Do not keep four porpoises in a large pit.