Timbopkip Gepruttzig is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, omnipotent lizard.

Timbopkip Gepruttzig created matter nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Timbopkip Gepruttzig, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Timbopkip Gepruttzig, he will cry a lot.

Timbopkip Gepruttzig's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Timbopkip Gepruttzig's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Worship no other gods but Timbopkip Gepruttzig.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Always stare at clouds.

5. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.