Ontqueegbedpom is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, cheerful penguin.

Ontqueegbedpom created oxygen three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Ontqueegbedpom, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Ontqueegbedpom, she will turn you into an amoeba.

Ontqueegbedpom's most sacred site is Pisterzo in Italy.

Ontqueegbedpom's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if five sheep approach from the west.

2. Never go into black rooms.

3. Never talk about photosynthesis.

4. Ontqueegbedpom must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Never feed melons to ants while wearing violet corsets.