Cemcibflam is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, uncaring jaguar.

Cemcibflam created the Cigar Galaxy nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Cemcibflam, it will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Cemcibflam, it will turn you into a snail.

Cemcibflam's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Cemcibflam's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate nematodes.

2. Never sprint near goats.

3. You must pray to Cemcibflam seven times a day.

4. Never think about the strong nuclear force near dolphins while wearing purple ear rings and balancing four copper spheres on your face.

5. Do not speak about pineapples.