Pancenquatjan is a god.

He takes the form of a slim, temperamental lobster.

Pancenquatjan created parasitic wasps three billion years ago.

If you believe in Pancenquatjan, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Pancenquatjan, he will have an extremely low opinion of you.

Pancenquatjan's most sacred site is Valdena in Italy.

Pancenquatjan's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat parsnips.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate cats.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Hide if three horses approach from the west.

5. Do not kill monkeys.