Jopjabyik is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, deceitful alligator.

Jopjabyik created energy four billion years ago.

If you believe in Jopjabyik, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Jopjabyik, he will manifest in front of you.

Jopjabyik's most sacred site is Borolong in Botswana.

Jopjabyik's Holy Commandments

1. Do not keep five great tits in a large pit.

2. Do not drink alcohol.

3. Erect six titanium sculptures of Jopjabyik on top of important buildings.

4. Never go into green rooms.

5. Run away from fawn rats, for they are unholy.