Gessbosslip is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, selfish fish.

Gessbosslip created carbon three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gessbosslip, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Gessbosslip, it will turn you into a small brown duck.

Gessbosslip's most sacred site is Brancion in France.

Gessbosslip's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of silver.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Do not trade with those who eat lemons.

4. Never hurt snakes.

5. Fast once a month.