Yatontyam is a god.

He takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, effective cow.

Yatontyam created dark matter eight million years ago.

If you believe in Yatontyam, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Yatontyam, he will throw large rocks at you.

Yatontyam's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Yatontyam's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Never bounce in the presence of monkeys.

3. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

4. You must love Yatontyam.

5. Put Yatontyam first in all things.