Yogvinfab is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, loving grasshopper.

Yogvinfab created carbon four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Yogvinfab, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Yogvinfab, it will destroy your favourite star.

Yogvinfab's most sacred site is Troms in Norway.

Yogvinfab's Holy Commandments

1. Never chant near dolphins.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

3. Always wear purple.

4. Yogvinfab must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Never feed tomatoes to goats while wearing kilts.