Queegbanbin is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, almighty dugong.

Queegbanbin created Europe eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Queegbanbin, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Queegbanbin, he will make you grow a tail.

Queegbanbin's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Queegbanbin's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear white clothing.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Never talk about quantum mechanics near grasshopers while wearing black trousers.

4. Queegbanbin loves aardvarks, so they must be honoured.

5. Put Queegbanbin first in all things.