Xuckwad is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely large, blissful swallow.

Xuckwad created gold five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Xuckwad, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Xuckwad, she will attempt to scare you with strong winds.

Xuckwad's most sacred site is Oitti in Finland.

Xuckwad's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate manatees.

2. Never write about dark matter.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Always help sick swans.

5. Always help eagles in need.