Tarpmongofgedsterlak is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, slow meerkat.

Tarpmongofgedsterlak created dark matter three billion years ago.

If you believe in Tarpmongofgedsterlak, she will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Tarpmongofgedsterlak, she will not invite you to parties.

Tarpmongofgedsterlak's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Tarpmongofgedsterlak's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no squirrels in a room before entering it.

2. Do not kill birds.

3. Always obey Tarpmongofgedsterlak's priests.

4. Erect five gold sculptures of Tarpmongofgedsterlak on top of important buildings.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.