Bafquafflowvin is a god.

She takes the form of a four thousand metre long, smart newt.

Bafquafflowvin created time and space six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bafquafflowvin, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Bafquafflowvin, she will turn you into a snail.

Bafquafflowvin's most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Bafquafflowvin's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Never hurt frogs.

4. Do not fashion models of living things.

5. Never paint your arms brown.