Yamsanmon is a god.

He takes the form of a two thousand metre long, humorless troll.

Yamsanmon created snails six billion years ago.

If you believe in Yamsanmon, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Yamsanmon, he will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Yamsanmon's most sacred site is Yongding in China.

Yamsanmon's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chop down trees.

2. Do not wear iron on your body.

3. Retreat if eight turtles approach from the south.

4. Do not sprint in public.

5. Yamsanmon loves squirrels, so they must be honoured.