Artflamcum is a god.

It takes the form of a rotund, ill-tempered hedgehog.

Artflamcum created the Cigar Galaxy nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Artflamcum, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Artflamcum, it will destroy your favourite planet.

Artflamcum's most sacred site is Chilhac in France.

Artflamcum's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Never feed melons to mice while wearing tights.

3. Learn seven new languages a year.

4. Always help snails in need.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.