Fitbamdimjonnib is a god.

She takes the form of a large, pitiless meerkat.

Fitbamdimjonnib created Mount Everest three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fitbamdimjonnib, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Fitbamdimjonnib, she will turn you into a goat.

Fitbamdimjonnib's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Fitbamdimjonnib's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chop down trees.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Always help manatees in need.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Fitbamdimjonnib.

5. Always stare at clouds.