Tiktimcad is a god.

He takes the form of a three hundred metre long, ruthless centaur.

Tiktimcad created matter seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Tiktimcad, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Tiktimcad, he will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Tiktimcad's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Tiktimcad's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick dogs.

2. Never feed lots of wheat to mice while wearing blue ear rings.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

4. Never write about galaxies.

5. Moths are not to be trusted.