Fonxemhiv is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, sage faun.

Fonxemhiv created dark energy eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Fonxemhiv, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Fonxemhiv, she will turn you into a slug.

Fonxemhiv's most sacred site is Cobbel in Germany.

Fonxemhiv's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Never think ill of sick manatees.

3. Never paint your head gray.

4. Never feed peas to capybaras while wearing shirts.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.