Yarlartteen is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, tranquil duck.

Yarlartteen created life eight million years ago.

If you believe in Yarlartteen, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Yarlartteen, she will laugh at you.

Yarlartteen's most sacred site is Quellendorf in Germany.

Yarlartteen's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention ants.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Run away from yellow birds, for they are unholy.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Retreat if seven aardvarks approach from the north.