Tigquimcum Bamnurtyartcin is a god.

She takes the form of a five thousand metre long, tiresome sheep.

Tigquimcum Bamnurtyartcin created energy three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tigquimcum Bamnurtyartcin, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Tigquimcum Bamnurtyartcin, she will turn you into a sheep.

Tigquimcum Bamnurtyartcin's most sacred site is Rautio in Finland.

Tigquimcum Bamnurtyartcin's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least three thousand metres per day.

2. Do not wear titanium on your body.

3. Do not trade with those who eat onions.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Do not keep eight dolphins in a large pit.