Flowmadont is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, generous human.

Flowmadont created the Sombrero Galaxy eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Flowmadont, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Flowmadont, he will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Flowmadont's most sacred site is Vestfold in Norway.

Flowmadont's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about dark energy near gulls while wearing yellow kilts and balancing six zinc spheres on your face.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of iron.

3. Flowmadont must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Pray towards the east.