Gomtargvon is a god.

She takes the form of a galaxy-sized, pitiless parrot.

Gomtargvon created matter five million years ago.

If you believe in Gomtargvon, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Gomtargvon, she will turn you into a giant snail.

Gomtargvon's most sacred site is Camon in France.

Gomtargvon's Holy Commandments

1. Never look at comets.

2. Never talk about ultrasonics.

3. Paint representations of planets on the walls of your dwelling place in yellow.

4. Do not kill bats.

5. Never eat bark.