Jopquagnul is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, caring faun.

Jopquagnul created the Whirlpool Galaxy nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jopquagnul, it will approve.

If you do not believe in Jopquagnul, it will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Jopquagnul's most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Jopquagnul's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chop down trees.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Run away from gray badgers, for they are unholy.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Always take life seriously.