Tomquafjarn is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, irritating centaur.

Tomquafjarn created everything that exists three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tomquafjarn, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Tomquafjarn, it will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Tomquafjarn's most sacred site is Syndendro in Greece.

Tomquafjarn's Holy Commandments

1. Do not cook food in pots.

2. Never talk about dark energy near turtles while wearing violet jumpers.

3. Never paint your chest red.

4. You must never eat wheat.

5. Never talk about quantum mechanics.