Tettiwadmum is a god.

He takes the form of a six hundred metre long, omniscient crow.

Tettiwadmum created vertebrates eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Tettiwadmum, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Tettiwadmum, he will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Tettiwadmum's most sacred site is Maijoma in Mexico.

Tettiwadmum's Holy Commandments

1. Do not take Tettiwadmum's name in vain.

2. Never talk about eukaryotes.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Never talk about tapirs.

5. Do not chop down trees.