Nurtzakmum is a god.

It takes the form of a slim, humorless cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Nurtzakmum created humanity nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Nurtzakmum, it will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Nurtzakmum, it will destroy your favourite solar system.

Nurtzakmum's most sacred site is Phepheng in Botswana.

Nurtzakmum's Holy Commandments

1. You must love Nurtzakmum.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Never talk about special relativity near doves while wearing brown hats.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Do not wear purple clothing.