Yarkikvon is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, humorless snail.

Yarkikvon created the Tadpole Galaxy seven million years ago.

If you believe in Yarkikvon, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Yarkikvon, he will send two she bears to sort you out.

Yarkikvon's most sacred site is Xtul in Mexico.

Yarkikvon's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Do not listen to music.

3. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Never feed turnips to hamsters while wearing white hats.