Gadspagstrag Fonwaphap is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely thin, compassionate lizard.

Gadspagstrag Fonwaphap created a strange quark eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gadspagstrag Fonwaphap, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Gadspagstrag Fonwaphap, he will jump up and down on your head.

Gadspagstrag Fonwaphap's most sacred site is Altata in Mexico.

Gadspagstrag Fonwaphap's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about electromagnetism near mites while wearing white corsets and balancing three carbon spheres on your arms.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Erect a large platinum sculpture of Gadspagstrag Fonwaphap on top of all buildings.

4. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.