Sattonktif is a god.

She takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, omnipotent wasp.

Sattonktif created energy nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Sattonktif, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Sattonktif, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Sattonktif's most sacred site is Gulval in England.

Sattonktif's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of platinum.

2. Never hurt snakes.

3. Put Sattonktif first in all things.

4. Do not eat onions.

5. Never feed pineapples to whales while wearing white dresses.