Lagfonnardiss is a god.

It takes the form of a rotund, unselfish penguin.

Lagfonnardiss created the planet Mars nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Lagfonnardiss, it will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Lagfonnardiss, it will jump up and down on your head.

Lagfonnardiss' most sacred site is Aimala in Finland.

Lagfonnardiss' Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak about pineapples.

2. Do not hurt monkeys.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate hamsters.

4. Never write about photosynthesis.

5. Feed all hungry whales.