Kimpodnutflam is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, benevolent unicorn.

Kimpodnutflam created parasitic wasps nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kimpodnutflam, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Kimpodnutflam, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Kimpodnutflam's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Kimpodnutflam's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about thermodynamics.

2. Paint representations of nebulae on the walls of your dwelling place in indigo.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Do not trade with those who eat garlic.