Tarpwee is a god.

It takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, tranquil alligator.

Tarpwee created time and space seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tarpwee, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Tarpwee, it will turn you into a snail.

Tarpwee's most sacred site is Shengyou in China.

Tarpwee's Holy Commandments

1. Respect your elders.

2. Capybaras are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Never sing in the presence of ducks.

4. Never talk about the strong nuclear force near mites while wearing white skirts.

5. Never feed lots of carrots to voles while wearing cyan hats.