Armkapjarnban is a god.

He takes the form of a galaxy-sized, irritating salamander.

Armkapjarnban created the planet Jupiter four years ago.

If you believe in Armkapjarnban, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Armkapjarnban, he will turn you into a slug.

Armkapjarnban's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Armkapjarnban's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lots of strawberries to rats while wearing gray tights.

2. Never write about stars.

3. Never eat beans.

4. Do not commit murder.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.