Wotartzan is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, all-knowing horse.

Wotartzan created time and space two years ago.

If you believe in Wotartzan, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Wotartzan, he will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Wotartzan's most sacred site is Miiluranta in Finland.

Wotartzan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of copper.

2. Erect a giant orange sculpture of Wotartzan in the centre of the settlement.

3. Fast once a month.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Never leap in holy places.