Larnwotcud is a god.

It takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, able crane.

Larnwotcud created a quark eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Larnwotcud, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Larnwotcud, it will turn you into a frog.

Larnwotcud's most sacred site is Karikalampakkam in India.

Larnwotcud's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Larnwotcud.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

3. Do not sit in public.

4. Never go into green rooms.

5. Paint representations of dwarf planets on the walls of your dwelling place in red.