Faggumnan is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, competent beaver.

Faggumnan created the Sun five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Faggumnan, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Faggumnan, he will be very sad.

Faggumnan's most sacred site is Meidrim in Wales.

Faggumnan's Holy Commandments

1. Always obey Faggumnan's priests.

2. Hide from green porpoises for they are unholy.

3. Run away from brown snakes, for they are unholy.

4. Do not dye your hair violet.

5. Always help swans in need.