Gepquamxen is a god.

She takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, weak badger.

Gepquamxen created vertebrates three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gepquamxen, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Gepquamxen, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Gepquamxen's most sacred site is Nakke in Denmark.

Gepquamxen's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear violet.

2. Do not commit murder.

3. Do not hurt manatees.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.