Orthattad Cansitcab is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, strong guinea pig.

Orthattad Cansitcab created water seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Orthattad Cansitcab, it will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Orthattad Cansitcab, it will laugh at you.

Orthattad Cansitcab's most sacred site is Alyki in Greece.

Orthattad Cansitcab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not make images of living things.

2. Badgers are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Do not shave your chest.

4. Never think about dark matter near snails while wearing mauve scarves and balancing five tin spheres on your legs.

5. Do not dye your hair black.