Femtonkmob is a god.

It takes the form of a very small, egotistical crow.

Femtonkmob created a strange quark seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Femtonkmob, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Femtonkmob, it will turn you into a hamster.

Femtonkmob's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Femtonkmob's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Never feed aubergines to capybaras while wearing coats.

3. Erect a large gold sculpture of Femtonkmob on top of all buildings.

4. Monkeys are not to be trusted.

5. Respect your elders.