Carkonjad is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, compassionate goblin.

Carkonjad created dark matter three million years ago.

If you believe in Carkonjad, it will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Carkonjad, it will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Carkonjad's most sacred site is Omaweneno in Botswana.

Carkonjad's Holy Commandments

1. Always treat monkeys with great respect.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

4. Never feed garlic to doves while wearing red tights.

5. You must love Carkonjad.