Tik is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly large, blissful guinea pig.

Tik created life two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tik, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Tik, it will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Tik's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Tik's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. Do not skip in public.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Erect a giant blue sculpture of Tik in the centre of the settlement.

5. Feed all hungry monkeys.