Nakhonvab is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, intelligent hydra.

Nakhonvab created bats six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Nakhonvab, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Nakhonvab, she will curse you with boils.

Nakhonvab's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Nakhonvab's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed cherries to hamsters while wearing shirts.

2. Erect a large lead sculpture of Nakhonvab on top of all buildings.

3. Never talk about snails.

4. Always help sick tortoises.

5. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Nakhonvab.