Govquamloop is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, compassionate guinea pig.

Govquamloop created the Sombrero Galaxy two years ago.

If you believe in Govquamloop, she will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Govquamloop, she will turn you into an amoeba.

Govquamloop's most sacred site is Dingcun in China.

Govquamloop's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Never talk about electromagnetism.

4. Learn seven new languages a year.

5. Erect eight copper sculptures of Govquamloop on top of important buildings.