Teenpinmut is a god.

It takes the form of a microscopic, awesome tapir.

Teenpinmut created the solar system eight million years ago.

If you believe in Teenpinmut, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Teenpinmut, it will think nothing of it.

Teenpinmut's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Teenpinmut's Holy Commandments

1. Draw representations of moons on the walls of your dwelling place.

2. Run away if eight badgers approach from the south.

3. Always look after injured sharks.

4. Never feed lots of onions to moths while wearing black trousers.

5. Learn three new languages a year.