Gudminmeg is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, pitiless snail.

Gudminmeg created matter nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gudminmeg, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Gudminmeg, she will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Gudminmeg's most sacred site is Grimme in Germany.

Gudminmeg's Holy Commandments

1. Do not eat lentils.

2. Fast once a month.

3. Hide from magenta gulls for they are unholy.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.